Lets face it. Sesame Street never told us how to get there. Despite us asking them on a daily basis to tell us how to get there, they never did.
Okay, now that you just got kicked hard in the childhood, think about what a perfect analogue that is for American Politics. Year after year, we want a candidate to tell us how to “get there.” “Get there” meaning endless jobs and of course fucking peace on earth. Every 4 years we sing along just like we did to Sesame Street.
“Can you tell me how to get, how to get to America getting its shit together?”
“Can you tell me how to get, how to get to a place where I can afford all these fucking bills?”
“Can you tell me how to get, how to get affordable healthcare?”
Every year, these electoral candidates never tell us. Well, to be fair they tell us lots of things, but it’s like a Fetty Wap song. It all sounds good until you actually listen.
First, you have to wonder how the hell you heard their message in the first place? How many times have we all heard somebody say, (in Morgan Freeman’s voice) “the only reason why people like Drake is because radio shoves him down our throats.”? I hear people say this about famous performing artists all the time, but yet can’t see through the fog when it comes to who they vote for. Now admittedly, there is a far cry between illegally downloading someone’s album from Pirate Bay and making a major decision that effects the course of your country. However, newsflash! The President of the United States doesn’t really directly effect your life at all. Your local townships, municipalities, Mayors, state rep’s and state governors, do. When those votes take place though, everybody is too busy eating fucking buffalo wings and watching the game while Facebooking on their smart phones drunk off of $9 shots. Actually, that’s what I’ll be doing tonight. Whatever!
Seriously though, you know the big names of who’s running for president every election because of the money they spend. Think about how Immortal Technique’s song “Dance with the Devil” has 20,000,000 views, but Justin Beiber’s “Baby” has 1,197,000,000 views. Yea, that’s American Presidential Elections in a nutshell. You vote for the Justin Beibers of the world, because you don’t know who Immortal Technique is. It’s not your fault you don’t know who Immortal Technique is, he doesn’t have Justin Beiber money or the media shoving him down your throat everyday. See my point?
The reason why we have a system in place like this is because your attention span sucks! The reason why this article is all over the place is because my attention span sucks! In fact, according to the Telegraph, scientists say our attention spans have shrunk from 12 seconds to 8 seconds, which is one second shy of a goldfish. Think about it. A fish who’s life commonly ends with getting flushed down a fucking toilet has a better attention span than us. So the only way to grab anyone’s attention is by over-saturating the mediasphere, and that is fucking majorly expensive. Result? He who haveth the money, wins. The truth is you wouldn’t even be reading this article had I not started it with some shit about Sesame street. Did I lose you? “Tom Brady Destroys Cellphone!” There, now I have your attention again.
We live in a world where a headline can shape your whole opinion because we’re too fucking lazy to read what’s underneath it. All of our opinions get molded by headlines, twitter posts and Facebook statuses. Anyone with enough money can pay to have your social media walls covered in propaganda faster than the whore house walls are covered in semen. The only way to break this cycle is to do research. For instance, I looked on google maps and it turns out there is a bunch of Sesame Streets. Tewksbury, Mass; Richmond, Virginia; Bethlehem, Pennsyvlania and Clarksboro, New Jersey to name a few. I bet you the real one is in New Jersey though because Oscar the grouch’s personality is very similar to half the people I met from there.
Anyway, I know what you’re thinking. Research? Ain’t nobody got time for that! I hear you. When you’re not doing those annoying things you have to do like, work, school and doing your laundry there’s only enough time left for Netflix, Skyrim, masturbation and getting hammered. Trust me, I get it. Somehow though, during any of those long epic minutes in between, you’re bored. I know you’re bored because I see you post it online all the time. You’re bored because you’re boring. Nothing’s interesting because you are longer interested in making anything interesting. The discovery of information helps you have more unique perspectives and more fascinating conversations. Without it, you’re merely a billboard expressing whatever message someone paid for you to express. Try being a person.
Now before you get offended I just want you to keep this one thing in mind. I don’t blame you for not having an educated well thought-out opinion. I blame you for feeling the need to broadcast it. I blame you for making decisions based on it, that others have to suffer from. If you’re one of those people who arrived at the door of knowledge with your groceries in your left hand and your keys in your left pocket, nobody cares what you think. Even if you’ve done your due diligence nobody cares what you think, but at least it makes you more fun to listen to. It doesn’t take a genius to repeat something someone told you. If it does, than I’m dying to meet an idiot.